Boundaries 101: What They Are and What They Are NOT
So, we’ve established that boundaries aren’t disrespectful (despite what your childhood might have taught you). But now let’s get into the real question: What even ARE boundaries? And just as importantly, what are they NOT? 🤔
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are the personal limits we set to protect our time ⏳, energy ⚡, emotions 💖, and overall well-being 🧘🏾♀️. They define what is acceptable and unacceptable in our relationships and interactions. Think of them as the guidelines that help you navigate the world 🌍 without feeling drained, disrespected, or overextended. They can be physical (like personal space 🛑), emotional (like protecting your peace ☮️), or even digital (like muting notifications after a certain time 📵).
Think of boundaries like a construction site. 🏗️ Some barriers are flexible and shift with the project, while others are firm, set in stone, and non-negotiable. Here’s how it breaks down:
The Three Types of Boundaries
🔶 The Orange Plastic Fence (Daily Boundaries) – These are the little, everyday limits we set. They can shift based on context, but they still matter. Think: “I don’t answer work emails after 7 PM,” or “I’m not available for last-minute plans.” People may try to step over them, but it’s up to you to reinforce them.
⛓️ The Chain Fence (Evolving Boundaries) – These boundaries move with time and relationships. They’re flexible, but still strong. Maybe you used to share everything with a friend, but over time, you realized you needed more privacy. That’s okay! Boundaries aren’t set in stone—they grow as you do.
🧱 The Wall (Core Values & Non-Negotiables) – These are the boundaries that do not move. They protect your morals, values, and self-respect. This could look like: “I don’t tolerate disrespect,” or “I won’t stay in a relationship where I feel unsafe.” These boundaries aren’t up for discussion—period.
What Boundaries Are NOT
❌ Boundaries are NOT about controlling others. They’re about defining what you will and won’t accept. ❌ Boundaries are NOT selfish. Prioritizing your well-being is not a crime. ❌ Boundaries are NOT walls that isolate you. They actually help build healthier connections. ❌ Boundaries are NOT just for romantic relationships. Work, family, friends, even social media—boundaries apply everywhere.
Boundaries & The BIPOC Experience
If you grew up in a culture where family, community, and respect were everything, boundaries can feel... unnatural. Many of us were taught that saying “no” meant we didn’t love our family enough. That putting ourselves first was selfish. That our elders had full access to our lives, no questions asked.
But here’s the truth: You can love your family and have boundaries. You can honor your culture and honor yourself. You don’t have to sacrifice your well-being for the sake of keeping the peace. 🛑
The Next Step: Setting Healthy Boundaries
Now that we know what boundaries are (and what they aren’t), the next step is learning how to actually set them. And trust me, you won’t want to miss that blog. 😉 Stay tuned!