The Art of Setting Boundaries: Unlearning the "Just Be Nice" Mentality
Let’s be real—many of us grew up in households where the mere act of saying “no” was seen as a personal attack. If you dared to say, “I don’t want to hug Uncle Joe,” suddenly you were “acting grown.” If you asked for privacy, you were “being secretive.” If you expressed your own needs, you were “too much.” Sound familiar? 👀
For a lot of us—especially in BIPOC communities—boundaries weren’t just ignored; they were treated like a full-on betrayal. Our worth was often tied to how much we could tolerate, how much we could give, and how little we asked for in return. And while this might have kept the peace back then, as adults, it’s left many of us exhausted, resentful, and unsure of how to advocate for ourselves. 😮💨
Boundaries Were Framed as Disrespect
Growing up, many of us were taught that obedience equals love. We weren’t given the language or space to say, “Hey, I’m uncomfortable,” without facing backlash. Instead, we learned to suppress our feelings to avoid conflict. When we tried to assert even the smallest boundary, we were met with responses like:
“After everything I do for you, this is how you act?” 😡
“Oh, so you think you’re grown now?” 🙄
“You better fix your face before I give you something to cry about.” 😬
So we adapted. We became the “yes” person. We learned to overextend ourselves. We got so good at people-pleasing that we forgot where other people ended and where we began. And now, we struggle to say no without a dissertation-length explanation attached. 📜
Challenging the Narrative
Here’s the truth: Setting boundaries is not rebellious. It’s not an attack. It’s not a sign that you’re ungrateful, selfish, or unkind. It’s simply an act of self-preservation. 🛑 The inner voice that keeps whispering, “I don’t like this,” or “I need space,” isn’t trying to ruin your relationships—it’s trying to protect you. The problem is, we’ve spent so much time ignoring that voice, we barely recognize it anymore. 🤯
But it’s time. It’s time to listen. It’s time to unlearn the messaging that made us believe our comfort was secondary. It’s time to understand that honoring our own limits is an act of love, not just for ourselves, but for the people around us. 💖 When we set boundaries, we don’t push people away—we invite them to truly see and respect us. 👏🏾
So, consider this your sign to start paying attention to that inner voice. The one that says, “This doesn’t feel right.” The one that nudges you to take up space. The one that’s been waiting to be heard. 🎤
And if you’re thinking, “Okay, but what exactly ARE boundaries?” or “How do I even start setting them?”—don’t worry, I got you. Stay tuned for the next blogs where we’ll break it all the way down. 😉